


Time for Miracles

by Shidoni8



Category: Star Trek: The Original Series
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-02-01
Updated: 2017-03-19
Packaged: 2018-03-09 22:17:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 6,738
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3266360
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shidoni8/pseuds/Shidoni8
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After the end of the 5 year mission, three friends struggle not to drift apart in the mess that comes from finding out that you may be more than just good friends. Where do the lines stand, and where do they blur, between best friends and lovers? Kirk, Spock and Bones find out that sometimes a best friend is the best medicine.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Soaked

Looking back now, it all started with Spock’s first Pon Farr. It isn’t that Jim and Spock didn’t have a thing for each other before that, but it was that whole… mess that convinced Jim he had to do something. And even then, Jim didn’t have the guts to act on it right away. If things really were to go all to hell then where could he run, trapped on a starship, where could he escape? No it had to wait, didn’t it? But that’s not the story I’m here to tell.  
It started out as most plans do. Best intentions and all that. I was feelin’ pretty high and mighty in sickbay after gettin’ back to the ship. I was a little impatient, I’ll admit, so I gave Jim a mild stimulant almost as soon as I walked in the door. After that the only thing we could do was wait. I remember we talked about something… though it seems inconsequential in the face of the realization that Spock meant something to Jim. Something he didn’t even quite realize himself. I knew all about the mate-or-die scenario by then and I had seen Jim’s face on the Bridge when Spock declared that T’Pring was his wife. Such unbridled jealousy… and still ignorant of its own existence, it just about blew me outta the water. Well, anyway, we waited and talked. And waited. And when it became pretty clear to us that Spock wasn’t coming to Sickbay anytime soon we had the computer do a scan for his vitals, which were in his quarters. Not thinking much of it, guess I figured he was meditating or something, I recommended that Jim get some rest. He slouched off to his quarters, looking like a puppy that’d been kicked and not much later I decided I would turn in as well.   
With the thought of Jim and his… Spock thing on my mind I did one more scan, just to check up on the both of them. The first thing I noticed was that Jim wasn’t sleeping, despite the fact that he had clearly been exhausted and under a lot of stress. I had half a mind to go to his quarters and tranquilize him. It was then that I noticed Spock’s life signs were way off. By way off I don’t mean he-was-back-in-that-pon-farr-fever way off. I mean he- dammit, he was practically dead. Grabbed my med-pack and I was off like a shot. The rest is kind of blurry but I remember shouting, ‘Spock, open up!’ Something like that anyway. The Captain came running out of course and- and when I told him about Spock’s vitals… my god his face was…   
I didn’t and still don’t know how to describe it, but at the time I remember thinking ‘If I ever see this look on his face again, it’ll just kill me dead.’ And that’s the closest I can come to it ‘cause it got me right in the heart. Didn’t know, back then, that it wasn’t the last time I’d see it, but if I had known… I might have just given up. I mean what’s the use? The only way you can keep your best friend out of harm’s way is to tie ‘em up in a controlled environment and filter everything they might encounter. It’s the worst kind of feeling, knowing you can’t protect them… that you’re just about as useful sometimes as a block of ice on the surface of Rura Penthe.  
But that was almost five years ago and so much has changed since then. Everything but the one thing that will never, ever change. I, Leonard H. McCoy am James T. Kirk’s best friend.  
Forever.


	2. Sure Fire Winners

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A hero's welcome on Earth from the end of their five year mission leaves everyone in high spirits. But how long will that feeling last when after a loss of clear purpose one can feel adrift and uncertain of the future?

It was a strange kind of atmosphere which hung over the Enterprise as she pulled into spacedock above Earth. Crewmembers, many of whom wouldn’t be returning after the refit, were busy packing their personal belongings, sparse though they were. Some had been assigned to other ships, others given promotions and jobs in teaching or research. What might be a “See you later” could also be a farewell forever, and so the mood was forcibly light but tainted by uncertainty for most of the U.S.S. Enterprise crew in the spring of 2270.   
As others were wishing their friends well and cheerily shrugging their packs on their shoulders Doctor McCoy was making his way to Transporter Room One and scanning the familiar halls with his crystal-sharp gaze.   
_“Well,”_ he thought pensively, _“If I never see you again, here’s to four dangerously exciting years, old girl.”_  
“Bones!” A shorter, younger man jogged to catch up to the doctor, who stopped to wait for his friend. “You ready to face the admiralty?” Captain Kirk asked with a knowing smile on his face, one that said he was less than serious. McCoy allowed a small smile of recognition to manifest before he grumbled his expected reply to their own little custom of a joke.  
“Dammit Jim,” he began as they continued down the corridor, “you know how I feel about these bureaucrats and their damned commendations! ‘You haven’t died yet, have a commendation.’ As if that should be my main goal in life: simply keep from dying.”   
“Bones, Bones! Let up a little. Small price to pay for extended shore leave, a hero’s welcome, and some quality, non-replicated food. Speaking of which, once we’re planet-side, where do you want to have lunch? My treat.” As Kirk spoke, a tall and austere figure came around a corner and joined them in their journey. “Why, hello Mr. Spock, you’re certainly invited as well.” There it was again, McCoy noted with some amusement. There was that smile you only saw Jim Kirk turn on for his First Officer. God, it was bright.  
“I’m afraid I don’t quite understand, Captain. To what event am I being invited?” And for some reason this question only made Kirk smile wider.  
But before anyone could form a reply they reached the transporter room and were greeted by other of the senior staff and command crew. Together Kirk, Spock, McCoy, Scotty, Sulu and Uhura beamed onto the Starbase and were met by Admiral Komack.  
“I know we sent messages pertaining to promotions and reassignments beforehand, but I wanted to see these ones through in person,” he said genially, approaching to shake the captain’s hand as they stepped off the transporter pads.  
“Sir?” Kirk asked confused, looking to the others but seeing only surprised faces.  
“You didn’t think we’d let you get away without a promotion, did you Jim?” Komack replied, smiling widely and producing some official-looking certificates, the first of which he handed to Lieutenants Uhura and Sulu. “Both of you promoted to Lieutenant Commander.” He then came toward McCoy who tried desperately not to roll his eyes as he was pronounced Commander. Glancing toward Uhura and Sulu he saw they were still grinning at each other like it was Christmas and they were five years old. “Commander Scott, Komack continued, “you are assigned to a post I’m sure you’ll very much enjoy. You’re in charge of Enterprise’s refit.” McCoy thought he could almost see the joy in Scotty’s eyes even before the words were said.  
“Jim,” the Admiral addressed the captain warmly. “We’ve got something special for you.” Opening a small case he produced an epaulet shaped like an eight pointed star, “You’ve been promoted to Rear-Admiral, my friend. And, after your five-month shore leave, you’re assigned to Chief of Starfleet Operations.” Kirk beamed and shook the Admiral’s hand once more.   
“Thank you, Sir, for delivering the good news in person.”   
“My pleasure,” Komack replied, smiling at the whole group, “The rest of you are guaranteed your places back on the refit Enterprise if you choose to return to her. If not, I’m sure there’s something we can do for this fine crew.” He gestured toward the door. “Now, come on, shore leave awaits.” There was a light rumble of laughter and they dispersed from the transporter room. Kirk, Bones and Spock entered a much longer concourse which had a food court and waiting area for departing shuttles.  
“The shuttle for Starfleet Headquarters leaves in just a few minutes, Rear Admiral.” McCoy announced, pointing to the board that listed upcoming aircraft departures.   
“Don’t give me that attitude, Commander,” Kirk replied playfully, amused at his friend’s visible wince. “Two can play at that game.” Spock chose to say nothing, instead following them silently across the concourse.  
It was pretty clear to McCoy that Kirk was in high spirits, happy enough to expend a large amount of energy trying to get Spock to crack a smile while they boarded the shuttle and waited for takeoff. As soon as they cleared the hangar doors though, Kirk’s demeanor took a turn for the worse. First he craned his head to look out the window, and then slumped into his seat, his features becoming more overcast by the second. McCoy, bemused at first, caught sight of Enterprise in the window and turned to his friend, shaking his arm lightly to get his attention.  
“She’ll be alright, Jim. And you need a break anyway. Try, for once in your life man, to just relax.” McCoy chose to demonstrate his point by crossing his legs at the ankles and leaning back, arms folded over his chest.   
“But she won’t be mine again, Bones. I’ve recommended Will Decker for the Captaincy and… I know he’ll do a great job, but… part of me never wants to leave that Bridge. Do you know what I mean?”   
“It is not often that I agree with the Doctor,” Spock said from Kirk’s other side, “but this is one of those rare occasions in which he has demonstrated surprisingly logical judgment.”   
“Meaning?” Kirk asked, his gloom lifting slightly.   
“You are in need of a vacation.”   
“Oh.” There was a beat of silence, during which none of the three able to look one another, each lost in their own thoughts.   
“Well Spock, you can talk,” McCoy harrumphed, breaking the silence, “but the day you take a vacation is the day they paint the Enterprise fuchsia and wallpaper the bridge with real-live tulips. What kind of dreadfully boring things are you going to be doing once we get down to the planet?”   
“Because my assignment has not changed, I intend to assist with research at the Academy and the refit of—”   
“No, no, no Mr. Spock. You must come to lunch with Bones and myself. It won’t be a party without you,” Kirk interjected, cheery once again. McCoy wondered if he would ever see the limit of this strange power Spock seemed to have over Jim.   
“I fail to see why the presence of any specific individual would determine whether or not a party was, in fact, occurring.” Several minutes of banter later and even the doctor couldn’t help but crack a smile. Sooner than it seemed possible they were docking at the Starfleet Base in San Francisco, Spock having finally acquiesced to the lunch invitation. It was only a short walk to a café they chose, as it was just off campus, but on the way Jim practically gushed about the foliage and the sun and the gorgeous weather. Bones was just happy to have solid ground under his feet again, regardless of the weather or the trees, as he adamantly told the other two while they placed lunch orders.   
The rest of the day passed quickly and before McCoy knew it the sun was threatening to set over the bay. At which point the three men parted company in excellent spirits (although Spock would never have admitted it aloud) making plans to meet again in a week, after Jim had seen his family. The newly-appointed commander wandered toward Starfleet HQ, fully intending to pull rank and find suitable lodgings with a fully stocked bar. He needed some peace and quiet in which he could toast the good memories and try to numb the bad away.


	3. Loaded Smile

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Spending time together is the key to any friendship, but when that's not enough anymore, Jim has to try and decide if taking a risk on love is worth it.

Leonard McCoy was just minding his own business when Jim Kirk had to bounce in and distract him from his work. He’d rented an entire medical laboratory and hired two Starfleet Medical students to try and replicate the Fabrini cure for Xenopolycythemia. They’d been at work for about two weeks, and he’d seen Jim a grand total of zip in all that time. He could feel Jim vibrating with excitement as they retreated back into McCoy’s temporary office for drinks.  
“What’ve you been doing for two weeks, that you couldn’t even find time to come by to say hello?”  
“Bones, you won’t blame me when you hear. I can hardly believe it myself. Do you have time for the full story? Nevermind that, I’m going to tell you no matter what you say.”  
“Alright then, out with it,” he grinned, leaning back in his chair and getting comfortable, getting ready for the deluge of words that was coming.  
“Two weeks ago, when we each went our separate ways, I felt so lost. Bones, I couldn’t bear to think we’d each be too busy in our own ways to see each other. As soon as the excitement had died down I sat down at my desk and started wondering just what ‘Head of Starfleet Operations’ even does.  
"I sent a message to Spock, to meet for drinks that night. So then, we met up at that Vulcan bar across the bay from the Academy, you know the one, with the private tables? So we got one of those. And Bones, not ten minutes into the night, Spock, he touches the back of my hand, so soft, and says he ‘dearly misses our time on the Enterprise already’ and my heart almost beat out of my chest.  
“Bones, have I told you how much I care for Spock? I’ve been busy getting ready for the end of the five year mission, I’d forgotten to talk about it. Since we aren’t Captain and First Officer now, and the rules against fraternization don’t count, I’d been planning to ask him out. Nothing too serious at first, though I’m not sure if Vulcans do anything that isn’t serious and if being a Vulcan would prohibit him from dating somehow. But, Bones, since after that pon farr mess he isn't betrothed to T’Pring, anymore so that wouldn’t be a problem.” Jim only takes time to pause for a breath every few sentences, so Leonard decides not to interrupt just yet.  
“The next step, logically, if it was just anybody, I’d ask them on a date, romance them a little. But I was so nervous about the fact that he’s half Vulcan and we’ve been friends for so long, I dithered. Quite a bit. We made a habit out of going to the same place every night and got to talking about our days. He’s told me all about some of the drama going on at the Vulcan Embassy right now and about a few of the Science track students he’s taken on as an advisor. He’s doing lots of experiments with the science equipment we never had on the Enterprise and he’s somehow tried Ramen for the first time and loves it! He told me more about growing up on Vulcan, and his pet Sehlat. He told me stories that his mom told him about Earth, about the rain and the oceans. This was over the course of a week, and every night I felt myself falling more and more in love with him.  
“And you need to hear the rest. After that week, we began branching out from that bar. We’ve almost literally done all the romantic date tropes before ever having been on a date. We walked through the park, went downtown and stopped to eat ice cream. Who knew Vulcans love ice cream!  
"We sat on a bench and watched the sun set over the ocean! He put his hand on my leg, just the last two fingers I guess, just brushing my leg. But, Bones, you know what a big deal hands are for Vulcans. He’s said a few romantic things too, let me see if I can remember them… He said “Jim,” and then something about me being the best captain he’s ever worked with, but that could just be professional regard. He said, oh for pete’s sake, I can’t remember any of them now! I’ve written up a small list of the things he’s said, so I can look back to them and figure out if he was being romantic, but I left the list in my desk.  
“I don’t think my heart can take much more of this, we’re so intimate, but we haven’t even talked about how we feel yet. Bones, I need advice. You’re my best friend, you’ve known me since the Academy, you know I mean it when I say all of this, and you can tell me honestly. Should I ask him on a date? Am I reading the signs right? I don’t want to ruin the friendship I have with Spock, and the friendship the three of us have built over the last five years. Tell me what I need to do.”  
At first, Bones couldn’t find the words he wanted to give Jim. He knew there were a lot of options. As a friend, he could be realistic and blunt, but risk hurting his friend’s feelings. He could get caught up in Jim’s giddy excitement and goad him on. There was always the third option of trying to keep neutrality and keep from meddling. None of these seemed particularly appealing to him. Part of his mind seemed at peace, that his friends might finally stop beating around the bush and he could stop cutting the sexual tension between them with a sharp knife. Another part seemed to be feeling nostalgic already for their simple days on the Enterprise. He settled on a small smirk and poured Jim another two fingers of bourbon.  
“Jim, you’re right, I have known you a long time. You’ve never been this giddy about anybody since, maybe the three days you were crazy in love with Gary before he turned out to be a selfish bastard. I know from firsthand experience that, although he can be a damnably stubborn, logical fool, Spock’s one of the best men we know. I’m not surprised that you’re so soft on him, it’s been a long time comin’. Let’s go out this weekend, the three of us together, and I’ll see if I can help you put a pin in his intentions.”  
~*~  
Two days later, Jim, Bones, and Spock went on a little camping trip through Golden Gate National Recreation Area that Jim had planned to the tee. They’d brought a cooler of beer, water, and sandwiches, which they ate and drank while they gathered firewood, and had made a reservation for a campsite to make s’mores at the firepit when they finished hiking.  
When they had finished their two mile hike, complete with a stunning view of the ocean, they were all sweaty, dusty, and cheerful. They sat down in the darkening twilight and McCoy started building the fire, subtly watching the other two men across the fire-pit. All day long Jim had been like a puppy, all nervous energy and eager to please. He’d made up at least five casual excuses to touch Spock, on the arm, hand, shoulder. Spock had been inscrutable as usual, but something about the way the corners of his eyes crinkled made it pretty clear he found Jim just as fascinating and endearing as he had so many times on their five year mission. Earlier, when Jim dragged Bones into the bushes to answer the call of nature, he’d said Spock was being less emotive than when they’d been alone. But over the course of the afternoon Spock seemed to open up just a little. It wasn’t enough for Leonard to be able to give a solid opinion one way or the other, so he set up a little trap and didn’t let Jim in on it at all. When the sun had gone down, and the fire was crackling, he went into the bushes by himself, ostensibly to answer the call, and instead backtracked to a dense spot where he’d be able to see and hear his friends without being visible.  
“Do Vulcans ever go camping, Spock?”  
“Vulcan has some of the most intricate ecosystems and varied landscapes of any planet in the Universe. We rarely ‘go camping’ merely for pleasure, but would be remiss if we didn’t find time in between research to appreciate the beauty of our surroundings.” Spock leaned closer to Jim, gazing into his eyes.  
“I’d like to see it someday, if that’s possible. Our first and only visit to Vulcan was… truncated and unpleasant.”  
If Leonard didn’t know any better he’d say Spock almost chuckled at that.  
“When next possible, I will take you to the only waterfall on Vulcan. It is close to 1200 meters high and a volume of approximately 7 million cubic feet of water per minute. The water originates from the glacial field of Vulcan’s only polar ice region and from there, becomes a river which erodes a canyon somewhat like your grand canyon. According to superstitious legend, the view from the top of the waterfall to the lake below can induce temporary madness in those who stare too long.”  
Bones couldn’t believe his ears, but Spock was babbling. As Spock and Jim continued flirting about waterfalls and romantic views and whatnot, Spock’s fingers moved one by one, until his hand was covering Jim’s on the log they shared. There it was, then. That’s the verdict.  
Leonard crashed back through the brush on the other side of the fire, loud enough so he wouldn't embarras his friends while they were making eyes at each other. As he sat down and started unwrapping the chocolate bars, he gave Jim a look, eyebrows raised, and a quick nod. Jim grinned back at him and they finished all the s’mores, drove back into town, and said goodbye and see you tomorrow, still grinning, all three of them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone! I'm picking this story up after five years of not working on it because I already have it all plotted out, I just have to actually write it all. So please leave a comment if you're here, because it'll help keep me motivated to actually finish it! There's going to be some angst, which I'm really excited to write! :D Anyway, thank you for reading! There should be 6 more chapters after this one.


	4. If I Had You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A first date, the beginning of the angst, and a vehemently protective friend.

The next time Bones saw Jim, he instantly knew something had gone wrong. The usually lively man was blank and quiet; his eyes were dull and his head seemed as though it weighed a hundred pounds.  
“Good God, man! Sit down,” he ordered, pouring several fingers of bourbon. They sat in the antique leather chairs Bones had bought to furnish his sparse new apartment so it looked a little less like his stark quarters on the Enterprise.  
Jim sat, stared at the wall, and sipped his drink, and after a while he finally put it down and turned to his friend…  
~-~  
James Kirk had come to appreciate many qualities in himself as a starship captain that he wouldn’t ordinarily have found useful or even decent. Manipulation was one of those qualities. He somehow found the right excuses at the end of their hiking day trip to get Spock alone and accompany him on the way home after parting ways with Bones. They had to walk along the main street that flanked the Academy and HQ to get to the strip of apartments that contained Spock’s. It was a complex of buildings near the Vulcan Embassy and Jim had inferred that most, if not all, of the occupants were Vulcan. They probably never played loud music too late at night when everyone wanted to meditate.  
Spock, Jim noticed, had been entirely silent for the last four blocks. In the light from the streetlamps he looked severe, but Jim knew from experience that it was only the angular features that created that illusion. Under the sharp bone structure, Spock was usually cool as a cucumber, and even, at times, sweet.  
The manipulations Kirk made were, of course, intended to get them alone so the he could finally work up the nerve to ask Spock on a date. He’d been too nervous to make real plans yet, and he knew the asking could be disastrous due to that lack of foresight, but if he lost his nerve he’d never recover it. They came to a stop near the entrance to the apartments, not wanting to part company yet.  
“Spock, I-”  
“Jim,” Spock interrupted. When he silently raised his eyebrows to ask if he should continue, Kirk gave a nod. It would give him more time to think of what to say.  
“After years of familiarity with the species, I have grown to recognize the patterns of courtship in humans,” he began. “You have nothing to fear from me, Jim, although your physiological response indicates nervousness, uncertainty, and apprehen-”  
Spock couldn’t finish because there was a finger, as if to shush him, pressed to his lips. Kirk reached for Spock’s hand. He felt Spock’s finger pads smooth their way down his wrist, across his palm, and down to his fingertips. Kirk knew all about the way Vulcans kiss, and immediately replaced his finger with his lips.  
Their first kiss was the singularly most intriguing experience either had felt up to this point. It was a brief press of lips, but their hands continued to move, coming to a rest clasped together tightly. Their pulses thrummed together through finger pads, in an organic, syncopated rhythm.  
“Would you care for a date?” Kirk looked up, smiling sheepishly.  
“Tomorrow,” Spock insisted.  
~-~  
They met at the same bar they’d been frequenting each night of the last few weeks. The only difference was that they bought each other drinks and walked out hand in hand. There was a Vulcan restaurant nearby, where they enjoyed bowls of authentic Plomeek soup. Spock’s hands were never far from Jim’s, which made his head swim and his pulse throb. They walked across Golden Gate Bridge, found a bench on the other side, and sat down to watch the sunset over the ocean.  
“I meant, so many times, to tell you how I felt…” Jim was saying as Spock’s hand traced invisible lines on to top of his thigh.  
“Jim, it is no use to think about the past. I have felt… very strongly for you as well, and yet did nothing until now. We cannot blame regulations, merely our own scruples, and uncertainty.”  
“Well, you are pretty hard to read sometimes,” he grinned. The corner of Spock’s mouth turning up was the only sign he ever gave that he understood. “I’m done with uncertainty,” Kirk continued, closing the distance between them for another human kiss.  
“I had never understood the value of this kind of kissing,” Spock said afterward, “however it is somewhat… compelling,” and they spent less and less time with words.  
~-~  
For several long years, Spock had felt their connection grow from regard to respect, caring to friendship, and finally, love. In his life he had often felt uncertainty, much to his dismay and his father’s disappointment, but in the last week he’d spent with Jim he’d felt more certain of their love than anything he’d ever professed to know. As they came into his small room, breathing fast and fumbling with their hands and clothes, he had no doubts whatsoever that after all the waiting and confusion, this moment was where he and Jim were supposed to be.  
His arm, free of his tunic, brushed past Jim’s ear and he buried his sensitive fingers in the wavy hair that was no longer tamed daily by stiff hair product. A spark jumped between them, perhaps static electricity, but perhaps more than that. Pulling him close for a messy kiss, Spock simultaneously lowered them to the small bed he didn’t often use.  
Their bodies lined up perfectly, Spock’s long leg curling over Jim’s body. They smoothed their hands along the finally revealed skin, stretched taut over a shoulder blade or pectoral. Only a thin layer of underclothes pretended to conceal their mutual arousal. Spock pulled Jim to him, crushing closer. No distance between them was acceptable now that they had finally been honest with each other. He was consumed with wanting and it couldn’t be abated.  
“Spock,” Jim said breathlessly, looking up. “I need to tell you. Need you to know.”  
Spock knew instantly what was meant, and he knew of a gift he could give to make it that much better. They could feel this moment together, no need for words.  
“Let me,” he whispered, bringing his hand toward the psi point just above Jim’s temple, cradling his cheek.  
Jim breathed out raggedly.  
“Yes.”

It all happened in an instant, but to Spock it felt like several minutes. There was a sensation of falling onto a bed, much softer than the one they currently occupied. A susurrus of whispers came into and out of his hearing, and only after a moment of listening could Spock make out the sound of Jim’s voice.  
“I love you, love you, Spock, love, so much, I love you, you’re finally here, love you, I do…”  
“And I you, Jim,” Spock said, “always.”  
He stood, looking for the source of the whispering, looking for Jim, but found only a small, golden waterfall. The cascading water was somehow the origin of the voice. As soon as he laid eyes on it, Spock began to feel something within him filling. The liquid poured into his mind, his heart, like drinking hot tea on a cold day, the warmth spreading through his body. There had always been an emptiness in him since that day on Vulcan, when the bond between he and his betrothed had been broken by the ritual. That feeling had never bothered him much, and he had several years before he could stop putting off the messages from his father about finding a new bride.  
The worst of it wasn’t the emptiness, it was the distance from his childhood people, his world, his mother who he hadn’t seen in several years. The harsh memory of how overcome he had been with the Plak Tow and what had come immediately afterward. The long and painful minutes when he believed that Jim was dead. All because of rituals and bonds, the bonds children were forced into at the manipulations of their parents.  
However, now it seemed his mind had found its mate in Jim Kirk, and was determined to forge a new bond between them, one that would be unbreakable and eternal, yet one that none could possibly approve or condone. There would be no ceremony at the foot of Mount Seleya, and no words of congratulation from his father or any of his people. Only a lifetime of estrangement which he wasn’t sure he could withstand.  
“No!” Spock shouted, pushing against the warmth, shoving it out of his mind. He found the thin strand, connecting his mind with Jim’s, and he grasped it with both hands, ripping and tearing. They may love, but they must not bond. The Vulcan world, of barren rocks, harsh rituals, stern elders and repressed desires must not touch Jim, must not ruin him. In the moment he broke the strand, they were ripped out of their meld, struggling for breath. Jim fell backward off the bed, and sat stunned on the floor.  
“What happened there, Spock? Did you feel that warmth? And then nothing, just gone. Did you hear me calling for you?” But Spock just stood, looking down at Jim with a tight, stoic face.  
~-~  
“And then he said, ‘Leave,’ and that was it.” Kirk finished, looking past his empty glass.  
“He didn’t say anything else?” Leonard pressed, “anything at all?”  
“Don’t you think I’d tell you? Of all people, Bones, you’re the only one I can trust with this. The best and worst night of my life. I felt that moment, it was almost perfect, when I was… crossing together with him, somehow blending…” he sighed with frustration, “I don’t have the right vocabulary for this. Maybe I just imagined it all.”  
“What the sam hell is wrong with him? I just don’t get that damned, devil eared- why I don’t even think he’s _half_ human anymore!”  
“Bones, stop. It’s not his fault. I’m sure it’s just some Vulcan thing and it might all be explained tomorrow.”  
“Well, it might and might not, but I’ll be damned if you give him a second chance after tossing you out like that!” Bones leaned forward, putting a firm hand on Jim’s knee. “You’re one of the best men I know, and you deserve better than this.”  
A weak smile in return didn’t make either of them feel any better, but after another few fingers of aged whisky and a good night’s sleep things might seem brighter in the morning. Leonard McCoy didn’t dare to hope that Jim would be unscathed from what happened tonight, but if he had to die trying to put the pieces back together, then that’s how he’d go.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whew, that was crazy. I'm sorry I didn't update for 2 weeks, I had trouble coming up with a reason why Spock would freak out, but then I thought up the accidental bonding (one of my favorite tropes) in the shower last week. :D Hope the change in 3rd person perspectives didn't bother any of you too much, but it shouldn't happen again.


	5. Pick You Up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Who's always there for you after a bad breakup? Your best friend who will force you to change out of your sweatpants and buy you a few drinks!

The next day Leonard McCoy didn’t expect to hear from Jim earlier than late afternoon, considering the amount of bourbon that had been drunk before he’d finally poured his friend into a cab. But bright and early a message pinged on the computer, so he dragged himself, half awake, to the desk to read it.

_He’s gone. He says he’s gone for good. Bones, I don’t know what I did, what happened, how any of this even happened. But I knew it would. I knew if we tried to push it I’d lose him, even as a friend. I need some time, don’t come looking for me, I just need to be alone for a little while._

_-Jim_

Well if that wasn’t the most ridiculous thing he’d ever heard from Jim Kirk! To think he’d just let him stew in his misery, when had that ever cured a broken heart? The only thing that would heal Jim was time and some good company, and Bones was determined to provide it.

He went straight to Jim’s apartment, on the other side of Starfleet HQ and the Academy campus. _‘This building sure is something else,’_ he thought to himself, not envious but certainly impressed. He looked up steeply to see the huge windows facing the bay. _‘Admiralty certainly has its perks.’_

Insistently chiming the doorbell of Jim’s unit was getting him nowhere, and he was just starting to feel frustrated and a little fearful when he remembered the words of Jim’s message. _“Don’t come looking for me,”_ of course he wasn’t at home. Dammit Jim! He could be anywhere by now!

_‘No- not anywhere. Use that damn fool head of yours, Len,’_ he told himself sternly. Jim had sent the message that morning from his apartment, and couldn’t have gotten far in the last hour. Not only that, but Leonard knew Jim so well that he knew Jim would go somewhere he had an emotional attachment to. This cavernous new apartment, fit for a Rear-Admiral, would only make Jim feel isolated and unlike himself. 

He hadn’t heard much about Jim’s academy days, so he didn’t know any boltholes that might be leftover from that time. Making up his mind, he headed for the cafe they’d had lunch at the first day they got back to Earth. When that didn’t turn up, he tried the Vulcan bar where Jim and Spock had gone every night for two weeks. Nada.

Jim would want go to somewhere with fewer people. Somewhere he could think, or more accurately wallow, in his heartache without any bystanders to distract from the depth of his despair.

It didn’t take Leonard very long to cross the bridge and find the closest bench in Presidio Park. The place Jim and Spock had sat, watching the sunset and feeling the quickening of their romance. At least according to Jim’s perspective. Who knew what had been going through Spock’s damn alien brain at the time?

The rising sun cast a different light on the scene than the twilight that must be plaguing Jim’s memories right now. Jim’s shadow was a long spear, cutting through the wildflowers scattering the slope down toward the ocean. His hair was unkempt and getting tossed by the heavy breeze that carried a large cloud of fog straight for the city.

Bones took a deep breath, and quietly rounded the bench, sitting down just as the misty fog started to chill the exposed skin on the backs of his hands. He cast periodic looks—concerned, wary, gentle, and curious—toward his friend, who only looked inscrutably into a middling distance. They sat there for a while in silence, so long that the condensation started pricking where it gathered on the small hairs of his knuckles.

“Jim,” he finally spoke up, “the fog’s soaking into my clothes, man, and I don’t see the sun comin’ out anytime soon. Let’s get some breakfast at least. You’ll feel better with a full stomach.”

That middling distance in Jim’s gaze slowly focused as he turned to face him.

“I’m not hungry, Bones,” he said quietly.

“Then think of it as a prescription,” he gruffed, putting a heavy hand on Jim’s shoulder. “Until you tell me otherwise, I’m your doctor, and I won’t let you treat your body like crud because of-”

“What does it matter?!” Jim shouted. “If I can’t feel- can’t think of anything but-” His brows creased together in an instant of anger before his expression trembled and shattered into that bereft agony shared by all lovers who lost. Unlike most people, he didn’t hide his pain behind cupped hands, or turn away from his friend. Leonard’s breath caught. Of course Jim would bring an incomprehensible depth of emotion to the experience—that was like him—but he couldn’t help but feel awed and honored that Jim would share himself like this. Most men, even most anybody, couldn’t live up to the kind of man Jim Kirk exemplified.

“I’ve lost everything that I loved,” Jim continued, his voice quiet now. “At least the Enterprise assignment ran its course, but I- couldn’t I just leave well enough alone?” He laughed bitterly, hiccuping a little as it turned into a sob and the tears overfilled his eyes. “Alone- I couldn’t leave it alone, and now that's just what I am- alone.”

Leonard couldn’t take the pain, the sight of tears in his friend’s normally cheerful eyes. He wanted to grab Jim by the shoulders and shake him. “Snap out of it!” he’d say, and Jim could easily bypass all the hurt.

“Listen,” he said a little more firmly than he intended. “I know I’m a piss poor substitute, but dammit Jim, I care about you! Let me help!” Leonard finally grabbed Jim’s arm and gripped it, hard. “Feelin’ sorry for yourself won’t change whatever that muddled hobgoblin did, but I guarantee if you eat your square meals and distract the hell outta’ yourself that’ll do more for you than any cryin’ jag.” Maybe it wasn’t the soundest medical advice, but somehow Leonard had to keep that broken look off of Jim’s face somehow.

It had worked at least temporarily. Jim’s eyes widened as Leonard spoke, and he looked uncertainly away, scrubbing the wetness from his face with the heel of his hand. He gave one heavy sigh.

“Alright, Bones, you win.” Jim stood up suddenly, yanking Leonard with him. “Let’s get some damn pancakes.”

~*~

Over breakfast, Jim had smiled ruefully, laughed bitterly, and spoken wryly. It was a good start, but now he really needed a kick in the pants, or at the very least a few drinks. Before they got up from their booth Leonard gave his friend a hard look and a sharp grin.

“No buts, Jim. Tonight I’ll pick you up about 8, we’ll go to a bar we’ve never seen the inside of, and drinks are all on me.” His voice was firm, but with an edge of humor to it.

Jim grinned back at him, and only an expert would be able to tell that the smile was emptier than his usual mirthful expression. “Sounds like a plan, and I’ll counter that with next time I pick and pay.”

“That’s fair, alright,” he said, sliding out of the booth. Even if Jim’s heartbreak funk came back—and there’s no doubt that it would now and then—Leonard would always be there to come round, pull him out of the muck, and keep him from self-destructing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I accidentally abandoned this fic for a bit longer than two weeks. Very sorry for anyone who was interested back in 2015 and was hoping for an update!
> 
> I'm hoping to finally finish the story soon, because I've always wanted to finish it and I'm procrastinating from writing my actual novel.
> 
> Feel free to comment and let me know if you are still here from 2015 and are glad to see an update!


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